Chapter Ten

I woke up the next morning and sat up in my bed, rubbing my head. I felt like I had a wicked hangover but I knew it was just from crying. *Meagan?* AJ called and I just groaned as I laid back down. *Are you okay?* He asked me and I looked at him as he sat next to me on the bed.
*No... my head hurts.* I replied with my hand on my head and he laughed a little at me. *Don't laugh at me.* I said trying to laugh but it was too early.
*Okay, sorry.* AJ said and then he left. He came back in the room with some Tylenol and a glass of water for me.
*Thanks.* I said smiling as I sat up to take the pills.
*Hey, what are boyfriends for?* He asked me grinning but I couldn't smile. It just made me think of him kissing me last night and I wanted it again. But I couldn't believe I was doing this to Brian.
*Ugh.* I sighed as I fell back on the bed and I felt AJ take my hand.
*Listen, I don't know what happened last night but to be perfectly honest it didn't feel like a friends kind of kiss to me. And I don't think it did to you either.* AJ said and I sat back up, crossing my legs, but staying under the blankets.
*I know... but I don't know what's happening.* I said as I felt the tears well up in my eyes again like last night. *I like you AJ, and since I met you we had some sort of connection. I mean we get along so well and... god I don't even know what I'm trying to say.* I said sighing and letting my face roam from the sheets to AJ's hand that was fidgeting with the blanket.
*Don't worry about it.* AJ said to me and I looked at him.
*I don't know what I want anymore.* I said as a tear fell onto his hand. He took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead and then my nose and then my top lip... before I knew it I had my hands on his neck and I was pulling him in for a kiss. I fell back on the bed as he lay on top of me, still kissing me. He got under the blankets with me and then kissed me again. ~Oh my god, what am I doing?~ I asked myself as I still kissed him. I felt his hands go to my breasts. ~I want him so badly, but I want Brian too.~ I said to myself but I couldn't stop.
*Mmm, is this okay?* AJ asked me as he sucked on my neck and I just moaned. He took his shirt off and then took mine off and I wasn't wearing a bra because I was in my pajamas. I felt his hot breath on my chest as he kissed all over me. Then his tongue kissed my right breast and took the nipple into his mouth, sucking on it roughly, and biting it.
*Oh AJ, don't stop.* I moaned as my fingers ran through his hair, pulling on the tips lightly. *No wait, you have to stop.* I said bringing his face up to mine. He kissed my lips softly and caressed my cheek.
*It's okay, you don't have to explain.* AJ said as he handed me my shirt. I smiled up at him but he didn't move. He gently kissed my lips again and then got up and left, so I could shower and stuff.

*We have to meet everyone downstairs in 5 minutes.* He said once I came out of my room.
*Okay,* I said smiling. We walked out of the room together and then we saw Leigh Anne and AJ grabbed my hand.
*Hey guys,* She said to us and we said hi. *Brian is already downstairs.*
*Oh yeah, how is he?* I asked her and she smiled at me.
*He's pretty good, he said he got a headache last night and that's why he went outside so fast.* Leigh Anne replied and I just nodded. I still had to talk to him at some point in the day. *I have to go up to my mother's today. She lives about an hour from here.* Leigh Anne said. *You want to come Meg?*
*Uhm, no thanks. I think I want to be alone with my baby today since he doesn't have to rehearse.* I said kissing AJ's cheek and he smiled at me and kissed my lips softly. I hated to admit it but I actually liked being able to be public with him and kiss him and stuff even though we were supposed to be just friends. Later that day Leigh Anne left for the day and the night and we were all hanging out in AJ's and my room watching a movie. I looked over at Brian and suddenly felt like I had to talk to him.
*Brian, can we talk?* I asked him and he just looked at me. He got up and we walked outside the room, to the hallway and shut the door behind us.
*Look...* I said not knowing what to say. *Do you really want to break it off with Leigh Anne for me?* I asked him and he looked shocked.
*That has nothing to do with this. What I want to know, and what I deserve to know, is if you have feelings for AJ?* Brian asked me and I looked down.
*Honestly,* I said looking up at him and then back at the floor. *Yeah, I do. I never used to until we got close... I tried not to feel anything but it's hard.* I said with a tear falling down my face. *I love you so much, but I don't think this is right.* I told him and he turned around to face the wall. *Brian,* I said putting my hand on his shoulder and he shook it off.
*This is so not fucking fair! I was ready to throw everything away for you,* Brian said kicking the wall and then turning to look at me. I saw the tears in his eyes and I could hear it in his voice. *I loved you with all my heart, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I've never felt this strongly for anyone. How could you do this to me?* He asked me as he started to cry.
*I... god this isn't fair. I never wanted to hurt you. Do you have any idea how badly it's hurting me to see you cry over me?* I asked as the tears fell freely from my face.
*Not half as much as it hurts me that you would fall for my best friend.* Brian said in a hurtful I-never-want-to-see-you-again tone and just stared at me for a minute. I started to say something and then he left and walked to the elevator, getting on and he was gone. I fell against the wall, covering my face with my hands as I cried hard. What had I just done? How can I ever talk to him again? I asked myself.
*Fuck.* I whispered to myself and started to walk down the hall. I roamed the hotel for what seemed to be forever thinking about what I was going to do. I had no one to talk to because normally I would go and talk to AJ but I couldn't this time and I just didn't feel close to anyone else. I decided that it would be for the best if I left the tour and just went home. I was going home in a month anyway. I walked back up to my room and by then everyone had left.
*Meg,* AJ said rushing over to me. I'm sure I looked horrible, my eyes were all puffy from crying but I didn't care. *Are you okay?*
*Yeah, I'll be fine.* I said looking at him. *I don't feel like talking right now...* I said staring at his eyes. I looked away quickly; this was not the night to be getting caught up in some guys eyes.
*What happened? I've been worried.* He said quickly, taking my hand. I pulled it away.
*Brian hates me.* I said quietly. *And I don't know what I want. But I do know it will be better for everyone if I leave so that's what I'm going to do.* I said as I started to walk into my room.
*What??? Meagan, you can't leave.* AJ said running to block my way.
*Look AJ, I'm tired and I just want to sleep.* I said as I sighed.
*Meagan,* He said taking my face in his hands to make me look at him. *Even if things don't work out between us, you know I still need you here as my best friend. I don't know what I would do if you left me here.* AJ said and a tear slid down my cheek.
*I don't want to cry anymore AJ.* I said as I sniffled and wiped my eyes.
*Oh baby, I want to help you so bad.* He said hugging me. *I think I'm falling in love with you.* He said and I pushed him off.

*You're not helping!* I said as I started to cry more and walked past him into my room.
*I just wanted you to know how I felt.* AJ said following me.
*This is just great, two Backstreet Boys are in love with me now.* I said as I flopped on to my bed with my face in my pillow.
*Look Meg, if me and you never ever kiss again it doesn't matter to me. If you get back together with Brian, well yeah that's gonna bother me, but I'll still love you. You're my best friend, please don't leave me.* AJ begged and I rolled over to look at him.
*Just don't talk anymore.* I said as I pulled him down next to me and hugged him and then we fell asleep together.