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Chapter One
As I sat on the couch and waited for my boyfriend Ryan to finish getting ready I thought about why I was with him. ~It's because you love him stupid.~ I told myself. But then I thought that I didn't really love him... ~He always hurts me, I know it's just because I always do everything wrong and he wants me to get better though.~ I told myself again.
*You're wearing that?* Ryan asked walking out into the living room. We were getting ready to go to his best friend's wedding.
*What?* I asked standing up and looking myself over, thinking that I looked pretty nice.
*You can't wear that, I hate that dress.* He told me and I looked at him.
*I like it though, and it's nice for a wedding.* I replied never changing my tone of voice. *Don't you think?*
*No, I think you should change.* He said to me coldly. I was wearing a light blue sundress with little yellow flowers printed on it. *And your shoes too.* Ryan said. My shoes were plain black sandals.
*Well we're running late anyway, because I had to wait for you.* I said getting smart and I immediately regretted saying it as I saw his face.
*Look, I just want to look good. If you want to look ugly that's fine. But do it on your own time, on my time you'll dress nicely and for my friends.* He said grabbing my arm and jerking me close to his body.
*Fine,* I said barely audible and then looked into his eyes.
*I love you,* Ryan said and my expression didnt change. He let go of my arm and put his hands on my face. *Don't you love me?* He asked sweetly.
*Yes,* I said looking down and he lifted my face.
*Good.* He replied and then kissed me hard. I pulled away and walked upstairs to change.
At the wedding reception we danced and had a good time. Although I didn't have many friends and none of them were there Ryan hardly left me out.
*Hey hun, this is Brian, AJ, and Justin.* Ryan introduced me to them and I smiled at them in return. They shook my hand and then I sat at the table with them. *I'll be right back.* Ryan said to me and then I watched him walk over to one of his many ex girlfriends and start talking. I sat silently as the three men talked and sort of zoned out, not even listening to them.
*So, Meagan right?* One of them asked me.
*Yeah.* I said smiling.
*How long have you and Ryan been together?* Brian asked. I thought for a while it had been so long that I couldn't even remember exactly.
*A while... since my sophomore year in high school.* I told them.
*And how old are you now?* Justin asked flirtatiously.
*I'm 20.* I said. *And you?* I asked as I glanced back to look at Ryan who was now dancing with the girl. They all saw what I was looking at and I'm sure felt bad for me
*Im 22, AJ's 23, and Brian's 25.* He answered for all of them. Since I had laid eyes on AJ just a couple of minutes ago I felt an immediate physical attraction to him. While they were all sweet and attractive he just stuck out somehow. Maybe it was because of his tattoos that I could see through his white shirt or his spikey hair. I had never been with anyone like him before.
*Are you guys in love?* AJ asked me breaking me from my thoughts about him.
*Huh?* I asked pretending to be caught off-guard. I just didn't want to answer the question because I wasn't in love with Ryan. I was just weak and I had been with him for so long that I didn't know anything else except him. I stalled for a minute, pretending to be interested in something else but truly praying for someone to come over and save me from the question. *Well--.* I started and then was cut off by The Bride, Melanie, grabbing my arm and pulling me up out of my chair.
*Sorry guys, I'm going to steal her for a while.* She said laughing and I let out a long sigh.
*It was nice talking to you all.* I told them smiling and then walked away with her.
*Hi, I'm Melanie. I know you're dating Ryan and everything, and not to be blunt, but he's a flirt and we both know it.* She said laughing and I smiled. *So I thought I'd introduce you to some of my girl friends so you wouldn't be so lonely.* She said as we walked across the dance floor and I looked at Ryan again who seemed to be getting awfully close to that girl.
*Thanks,* I said smiling. *I loved the ceremony and you looked beautiful.* I told her and she gushed at me.
*Thanks, it was so nice. I'm really happy with how it turned out.* She said to me and I agreed. She sat me down next to her at her table and introduced me to all the girls there. We started talking and soon I just felt like I knew them all and I was chatting away like we were all best friends. I had noticed that Ryan had disappeared during this time but I really didn't care.
*Excuse me ladies, may I steal her for a bit?* AJ said coming over and taking my hand. I felt like flying, just touching his hand sent sparks through me. I stood up and they all winked and smiled at me and then continued talking as AJ and me walked towards the dance floor. *So, are you having fun?* AJ asked as he took my hands in his and we started dancing. *Wait wait, come here.* He told me and I looked at him. He pulled me by the waist against his body and then put my arms around his neck. *There, isn't that better?* AJ asked and I just smiled, expecting him to see me as I laid my head on his shoulder.
*I'm actually having a lot more fun then I thought I would.* I admitted.
*Well I'm glad. AJ said to me. We danced for about two songs.
*Thank you for the dance.* I told him politely as he held on to my hand.
*Come here,* AJ said and I just looked at him, wanting to know what he meant. He let go of my hand but I continued to follow him, my curiosity getting the better of me. I followed him into a door and as I walked in I saw a lounging room. I turned as I heard AJ shut the door. *Sit down.* He said to me and I thanked him.
*So what is this?* I asked him smiling as he sat beside me.
*What do you mean?* He asked.
*Well do they always have these kinds of rooms in reception halls?* I asked and he laughed a little.
*I don't know... I was in here earlier though.* AJ told me smiling at me genuinely. *So you didn't answer me earlier.*
*Hmm?* I asked not following him.
*Do you love Ryan?* He asked me and I stared at him.
*Uhh...* I said fidgeting with my fingers in my lap.
*I knew it... well I don't blame you. We all know he's a sucky boyfriend.* AJ said to me and I looked at him. I could relate totally to what he was saying I just thought it was rude seeing as he didn't know me.
*Well uh--.*
*Sorry... I'm sorry.* He apologized obviously understanding how I felt. I just smiled at him.
*So where's your girlfriend?* I asked changing the subject.
*Well, my date, bailed on me at the last minute and as for my girlfriend well I don't have a girlfriend as of two days ago.* He explained.
*Oh, I'm sorry.* I said sincerely.
*Eh, no biggie. Never liked her much anyway.* AJ said sarcastically and I laughed at him. As I smiled up at his face I noticed the way he was looking at me and I looked away. I felt him next to me but also inside of me and it was scaring me. The way he looked at me I just didn't know what to think. We ended up talking for about an hour until I remembered about Ryan. I started freaking out saying how mad he was going to be at me and everything.
*Whoa Meagan... chill.* AJ said putting his hands on my shoulders to calm me down. I took a deep breath and smiled at him.
*It was really nice talking to you.* I told him and he smiled and then we walked out of the door together and it seemed like no one noticed, which pleased me. AJ squeezed my hand and then I walked over to Ryan who was sitting with some of his friends that I didn't know.
*Baby, nice of you to join us.* Ryan said not looking at me.
*I'm sorry,* I explained. *I lost track of time.* I told him smiling at his other friends.
*I'm ready to go.* He told me standing up.
*Okay,* I said innocently as I ran my nails up my arm. He took my hand, squeezing it hard, and we walked out to his car. The whole ride home he didn't say one word and it worried me. I knew him being with him so long I knew everything about him. And I knew when he was only a little mad he would yell and when he was really mad he wouldn't say anything, but I'd definitely feel his anger. He got out of the car and slammed the door and walked up to our house.
*Ryan...* I said as I got out of the car. I followed him into the house and met up with him in the kitchen.
*What were you doing with AJ for an hour?* Ryan asked me and I stopped to look at him.
*Just talking.* I said softly.
*Bullshit!* He screamed as he slammed his hand against the wall. *Why do you lie to me?* He asked me walking closer to me and I backed up.
*I'm not lying... do you think one of your best friends would try and get with your girlfriend?* I asked him, trying to calm him down.
*Don't back away from me.* Ryan said sternly and I stopped moving backwards. *Tell me the truth.* He said to me and I just looked at him helplessly.
*I saw you with that girl... dancing with her the way you were.* I told him and his face changed expressions. I was more afraid of him right then, then I had ever been afraid of anyone or anything in my entire life. Before I knew what was happening, I was laying on the floor, feeling the blow of his hand on my face.
*How dare you think I'd cheat on you!* Ryan yelled and I scrambled to my feet, trying not to take my eyes off of him. I clutched my cheek as some tears rolled down my face.
*I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I know you wouldn't cheat on me.* I apologized quickly. *I'm sorry.* I repeated again under my breath.
*You fucked AJ.* He said to me and I hit the counter because I had backed up all the way.
*No...* I said shaking my head as the tears rolled down my face. He grabbed my arms hard and started shaking me. *Get off!* I yelled. *You're hurting me.* I said and then he smacked me again, right in the eye and I fell against the counter. *Stop...* I begged with my face against the counter between my frantic sobs.
*Slut...* Ryan said and then walked out of the kitchen and I heard him go upstairs. I fell down to the floor and pulled my legs to my chest, laying my head on my knees and crying hysterically. I cried for about 30 minutes and then went to the guest room and took a shower, changing into some jeans and a big t-shirt. I laid down on the bed and fell asleep and I woke to Ryan rubbing my shoulders.
*Mmm...* I groaned, pushing him away.
*Baby, come on.* He said almost begging and I turned over to face him. Laying on my back looking up at his face. *Oh my god, I'm so sorry.* Ryan said sounding sincere as he touched my face and I flinched. He had left a big black and purple bruise on my eye.
*Ryan,* I said closing my eyes. *Just go away.* I said turning my face.
*Meg, you have to believe me. I'm sorry I hit you... you know I just get overwhelmed.* Ryan explained. *I never mean to hurt you, I love you.* He whispered as he kissed my lips. A silent tear fell down my cheek... not because I was sad or scared or happy but because I felt trapped. I knew that if I didn't forgive him he'd just hit me again. So I gave in and kissed back, unhappily.
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